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How To Identify A Bad Guy Part 2: Not Accepting 'No' For An Answer

I've never really thought about this before, but did you know that the word 'no' is a really powerful word?

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With just two letters you can express your displeasure with something. You can refuse to do something you don't like to do, such as receiving an unwanted subscription or (in the case of small children) eat your veggies. 😉

You can also use the word 'no' to indicate you're not interested in a stranger who approaches you with unwanted help/advice/flirting attempts.

'No' is a word of power.

I'd like to think of 'no' as a word of power. Because the power on whether to do something or not lies with you and your use of the word no. The word 'no' sets your boundaries and keeps you in control of the situation. 'No' is also a complete sentence. Just that single word is enough to make it pretty obvious what you want/do not want. So, it's a pretty neat word, don't you think? 🙂

What happens if a bad guy refuses to accept your no?

When a person refuses to accept your 'no', it's a possible signal that they want to take control of the situation away from you. In other words: theywant to control you/the situation.

Is it an instant threat when someone discounts your 'no'?

No, not at all. It depends on context and situation. There are situations where it's appropriate for strangers to approach you and offer you unsolicited products/advice (such as salesmen, attendants).After all, it's those people's jobs to sell you something, so it's logical they're going to be insistent.In those cases it's merely annoying to have to say 'no' three times.

But when it comes to strangers, a date or a spouse, it's an entirely different story. If they refuse to hear no, it could be a signal they want to control your actions.

No means no! No excuses!

Jason and Helen offer an innocent scenario where Jason completely disregards Helen's no. You might think it's not such a big deal after all, it's only a drink, right?

Jason and Helen are both at a party. Helen is with a friend who's gone to say hi to a group of friends she hasn't seen in a while. Jason sees Helen sitting by herself and decides he wants to buy her a drink.

Jason : "Hi! How are you doing?"

Helen : "Hey. Just waiting for someone."

Jason : "What are you drinking? Wine? Can I buy you a drink?"

Helen : "No thanks. I'm good."

Jason : "Nah, I can see your glass is almost empty. I'll get you a drink."

Helen : "No, really. I'm good."

Jason : "Don't be silly. I insist you let me get you a drink." <gets a drink>

Jason : "Here you go."

Helen : "I told you, I'm not thirsty"

Jason : "But I went to all that trouble to go get it. Surely you're not going to just say no now? That'd be silly."

Helen : <conflicted, doesn't want to appear rude> "I fine."

What just happened here?

Though you shouldn't start of a conversation in a fighting pose. It'll send the wrong impression. 🙂

Helen was not interested in getting a drink and told Jason so. Jason heard Helen's 'no', but wasn't satisfied with it. So he kept on pushing, seeing if he could just overwhelm her by being insistent enough. In the end, Helen felt pressured by Jason and caved.

WhatHelen has demonstrated here is that her 'no' doesn't mean 'no' and that she isn't in charge of her own actions. Instead, she allows Jason to dictate her actions. Jason forces her to accept a drink that she doesn't want to take and Helen let's him do it. She gave the signal to Jason that she's not willing to stand up for herself.

You might think this is a small and innocent matter it's just a drink, right? Wrong. It might be a drink now, but in the later articles you'll see how this one 'innocent' matter of Jason not accepting Helen's no will lead to a series of increasingly unpleasant events.

In this example we also see two other manipulation techniques we'll discuss later in this series: typecasting (part three) and loan sharking (part five).

How should you respond to someone who doesn't accept your 'no' for an answer?

Firm body language. If you're uncertain of yourself - just fake it. Pretend to be super self-confident.

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Posted in Cleaning Services Post Date 03/31/2017






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